Now You Feel Safer

And tinsel is banned 12:00AM December 24 to 12:00NOON Decmber 26.

Convenience

Because after that fourth or fifth Bud Light, you are going to be running back here anyway.

(Photo credit: http://img691.yfrog.com/i/81002115.jpg/)

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What's different about PublicLens from almost all other photo humor sites? Nearly all of our material is first-hand. We spend hours searching actual camera phone photographs and post the funniest one's we find within hours of their upload. Most other sites recycle the same old pics. PublicLens, where the Funny is Fresh!

Thanks for the Warning!

(Photo credit: http://img442.yfrog.com/i/o22.jpg/)

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5. Was this project the result of the Stimulus Package?

This Is Not the Toilet You Were Looking For

Wait a minute...that's NOT the toilet?!?

Holy crap!!! (literally)

All these years I've been using that thing for the toilet. I'm so embarrassed. I'm so sorry, Mom, all my roommates. What must you have thought when you looked into....whatever that actually is.

I guess it's best I finally found out.

(Photo credit: http://img682.yfrog.com/i/yet.jpg/)

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5. So...um...somebody want to send me a picture of what IS a toilet?

Ulimtate Meta Venn Diagram

 Nothing says geek-funny like self-referential Venn diagrams.

(Photo credit: http://img402.yfrog.com/i/8xf.jpg/)

What sets PublicLens apart from almost all other funny photo sites? Nearly all our pictures are first-run. That is, we spend the time to cull through thousands of postings on camera phone picture sites like twitpic.com and yfrog.com to find the fresh funny. Most photo and video humor sites just recycle stuff they found on other similar sites. PublicLens: Our Funny is Fresh!

Quidditch for Muggles

Finally a competitive, outdoor sport for geeks. Where was this when I was in college?

Condoms to Go

As the guy who tweeted this photo said, "As opposed to what?"

(Photo credit: http://img25.yfrog.com/i/condumbs.jpg/)

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5. Want to use those condoms more than once? There's a laundry right next door.

Let's Hope This Isn't the Library of the Jewish Community Center

Really? Nobody noticed this when purchasing this desk unit. Really??

(Photo credit: http://img175.yfrog.com/i/q1fn.jpg/)

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5. I was going to suggest that you come up with a furniture design more offensive than the one above, but you can't.

Ferrari Limo

Maybe if you were really late for the prom.

No wait...it's fashionable to be late. But arriving in a Ferrari limo would be the height of fashion. But it's fast, so you'd arrive too early, which is unfashionable.

Clearly Ferrari limos cause way too many problems to be at all practicable.

(Photo credit: http://img38.yfrog.com/i/4tf.jpg/)

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4. Personally, I'm waiting to make my fashion statement in a SmartCar limo.

Somebody Call Homeland Security!

You might have heard the unsettling news today about Northwest Airlines Flight NWA188. The plane lost contact with ground controllers for over an hour and strayed way past its destination airport (Minneapolis) before turning around and heading back.

But apparently that was not the most frightening part of the incident. Observe this map:

Apparently Flight NWA188 STRAYED INTO SOVEREIGN USA TERRITORY during its wayward journey!! Was Homeland Security alerted? Were jets scrambled? Was our nation's cheese supply in jeopardy at any point?

Somehow I feel a little less safe tonight.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Wake Up? Pilots Miss Airport by 150 Miles (abcnews.go.com)
• Northwest pilots fly plane miles past airport where plane was supposed to land (gadling.com)
• Northwest's Wayward Flight: Did the Pilots Fall Asleep? (time.com)

Vampires Rejoice! Blood Now Comes in Flavors

Image by photoscott via Flickr

When I was this kid the cereal section at the grocery store was maybe about ten feet of one aisle. You had your flakes, your puffs, and a few shredded thingies, and you were done.

Now of course the cereal variations take up about half the average store. Well, they would, but probably because of cereal variety inflation, grocery stores are now the size of military supply depots.

The thing is, cereal brands have realized that in order to keep growing sales you have to keep offering consumers an ever-growing variety of cereal flavors. First they just sugar-coated everything, but that got old. Then all sorts of artificial fruits and berries were added. (Which can lead to litigation; see Crunchberry lawsuit.)

So yay for regular mortal types and their incredibly overwhelming choiceability when it come to breakfast table fare!

But until now the vampire market has been totally overlooked by the Food Industry. Until now.

Up next: Sugar Frosted Blood with Crunchberries.

(Photo credit: http://img18.yfrog.com/i/yfi.jpg/)

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4. What is that brown stain on the ceiling tile right over your head? What is it really?

Haunted Travel Poster

Aaaaaiiieeeh!!!!! Aieeeeehhhh!!!!

Don't turn around Travel Poster Lady! Don't turn around!!

There's a g-g-g-ghost--oh, it's too HORRIBLE to say!

Thank God you are a cardboard cutout and so can't be as terrified as we are!

(Photo credit: @misterwallace http://img97.yfrog.com/i/9z1.jpg/)

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4. Take your handheld camcorder and stand in front of the window of your local travel agency, ready to film if a haunted travel poster suddenly appears. You may have the next Blair Witch Project.

Awkward Picture Frame Stock Photo

You know how when you buy picture frames they usually come with some generic stock photo so you can imagine how the frame will look with your favorite family portrait? Or perhaps you leave that photo in because the generic stock photo family looks better than yours. In any case, those photos are usually anything but creepy.

But not always.

Witness the photo in this frame-for-sale at a copy center, captured on the camera phone of alert PublicLens reader @jeremycasella:

Have you captured an awkward, bizarre, or befuddling moment with your camera phone? Submit it to publiclens.mail AT gmail DOT com. If we use it, we will give you full credit, including links back to any of your sites you choose.

For the Love of God! What a Sense of Humor FAIL

By now many of you know about the humorous infinitely recursive loop that occurred in the last 24 hours on Twitter involving the phrase "No God."

Seems some celebrity Twittster asked his followers to RT (retweet) the bumper sticker saw "No God No Peace / Know God Know Peace." Except what was intended as a Yay God! tweet backfired when it resulted in "No God" becoming a Twitter trending topic.

The fun began when various religious types began frantically tweeting to their friends "Stop the No God Twitter trend. Do not RT "No God" tweets!" .... which of course only added to the trend.

So today I posted what I thought was a fun little jokey tweet about this minor exercise in unintended self-perpetuation:

"Stop the No God top trend! Don't tweet No God! Please retweet this."

Several people got it and gleefully RTed it, many appending LMAO or its equivalent.

Until @Nitroslippers.

"You realize by saying "No God" your contributing. So by retweeting yourselves you keep perpetuating the Trend."

No, really? OMG how could I have not seen that!?! This is what I love about Twitter, so many helpful people just ready to explain the obvious to perfect strangers.

Of course, @Nitroslippers (where do you buy nitroslippers, btw, I want me some!) was truly concerned that someone as clueless as your host might not have understood his philosophically dense first tweet, so two minutes later:

"..And you wonder why people keep say Christians are morons. Is it sinking in yet, fellas?"

...obviously anticipating that after his first message all I could do was sit around confounded by why people call Christians morons. Or why someone on Twitter who doesn't know me assumes that I am a Christian. Maybe I'm just a moron. Or a Mormon maybe even.

I have always relied on the kindness of strangers.

UPDATE!!

A check of @Nitroslippers' Twitter stream shows that he has deleted the Tweets I posted above. I think he may have felt led by the Lord to do so.

However, he did leave in place this little gem:

"I'm following this "No God" trending topic, and I've notice that God fearing people have real bad grammar. Theres more then one book to read"

Well, at least in his second tweet above he knew the difference between "your" and "you're." Oh....wait....

Artsy Cake Makes an Impression(ism)

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,

How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.

"Vincent" - Don McLean

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4. Make a cake resembling Michelangelo's "Creation." Hang it upside down from the ceiling. Run for cover.

Ingenious But Simple Anti-Pollution Device

What with Global Warming and all, emissions from automobiles are a big concern, nearly as large as flatulent cows.

This guy, though, is sure to pass even California's strict standards. And far better than any catalytic converter--his device leaves the environment smelling piney fresh!


(Photo source)

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4. Do your part to improve the environment. Always keep your dirty underwear in a sealed clothes hamper.

Google Earth...Circa 1657

Click image for full size

Ah the early days of the World Wide Web. WebCrawler was the #1 search engine. McDonalds, Pepsi and Coke were all early adopters, with sites that went nowhere and did nothing. Blog was a monster in a low-budget movie.

No wait. Apparently those were all late-comers.

Above you see Google's earliest experiment with providing a business guide superimposed on a realistic view of the region being searched. It's just as well that modems were slower back then. Each "hilltop view" had to be hand etched with quill on parchment when the request hit the Google servers.

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Church Sign: No Sumo Wrestling Today

No caption needed....or even possible.

(Photo credit: @albertmohler)

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4. Don't let the Presbyterians have all the fun. Start sumo worship in your house of worship this week.

Everything I Know About American History I Learned at the Mall

Our local shopping mall was carefully crafted to recreate a typical 19th century "Main Street USA" that you would have typically found in any "Our Town USA" anywhere in the "Good Ol' USA" of that time.

Being an astute and careful student of history, I decided to avail myself of this unique opportunity to study the past of "Our Great Land*" up close and personal. Oh, sorry, I meant "Up Close and Personal."

After a relaxing afternoon of strolling through this meticulous recreation of a bygone day in the life of "Our Noble Experiment*,"  I was able to form several firm conclusions about life in 19th Century "Our Shining Land*."

1. Paint of that time was of very poor quality; advertisements painted on buildings looked instantly faded
2. Victorian Americans wore lots of clothes because they were afraid of the weather. I deduced this from the fact that they built transparent domed ceilings over their city streets.
3. 19th century American towns had police forces, but they were not highly trained and often overweight.
4. America in those days had much stricter zoning laws than we do today. All the eating establishments were confined to one part of town.
5. Victorian streets were terrorized by large bands of very loud teenagers.
6. I was at a bit of a loss to interpret what the numerous kiosks hawking cell phones represented. My theory is that in early small town America, they probably sold wire and telegraph poles.

This has been such an enjoyable way to learn history. Next week I want to learn more about the Middle Ages. I've booked a table at Medieval Times.

*It just occurred to me that I'm channeling titles of elementary school history textbooks of my childhood. One more evidence that I am an eminently qualified historan.

This Is the Way We Roll...Or Not

T

You know those Demotivation posters, the ones from Despair.comhttp://despair.com/? I keep thinking this photo would make a good one.

"PREDESTINATION: Someone had to be the last one. Looks like it was the person before you."

"PREPAREDNESS: Always, always, check that the roll is full before you sit down."

"RESOURCEFULNESS: Toilet paper has only been around since the sixth century. What did people do before then?"

Have another Demotivational caption? Leave it in the comments!

(Image source)

Recommended Site: Jackassletters.com

A lot of people can post funny pictures and write amusing captions like I do here. Only a rare few come up with a theme for a humor blog that is both original and captivating.

I've just run across a site that definitely fits that latter category: jackassletters.com.

The premise is simple, but brilliantly executed. Jackassletters writes complaint or suggestion letters to established big companies, like Cracker Barrel and Toys 'R' Us. The letters are always teetering on the edge of over the top, but never quite step over to be obvious hoaxes.

The fun comes when the companies reply. Some are predictably form letters, and the humor comes from how wide they miss the mark of whatever was requested. Some are sincere but bumbling or baffling attempts to answer the query. And occasionally, there is a response that reflects a company that is truly committed to engaging with its customers, no matter how weird they may come across.

Aside from the humor of all this, anyone who works in or is interested in the field of public and consumer relations could learn a lot by browsing jackassletters.com.

Mad Cow? It's a Riot!

Today's picture is from and in honor of the brand new blog from the folks at Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me, the best thing to happen to radio since the doctor said to Mrs. Marconi, "Si tratta di un ragazzo!" 

The actual story here is a protest by European dairy farmers over falling milk prices. One shudders to think what might have happened to those police if they had not had riot shields! As the caption at the Wait Wait blog points out, what if one of them had been lactose intolerant?

(Photo credit: Georges Gobet / AFP/Getty)

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4. Call NPR newcaster Carl Kasell and tell him he's won your voice on his home answering machine.

Let Me Try to Make This As Simple as Possible

And if referring to the Up and Down buttons as "No. 1" and "No. 2" doesn't help you, perhaps if we called one "peepee" and the other "poopy"?

(Photo credit: @Jchawes)

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Miracles Just Aren't Worth What They Use to Be

"Used burning bush: 40% Off Original Price! Only used on sabbaths by one God. Mint condition -- hardly singed."

Photo credit: @linc4justice from his blog: The Habitation of Justice.

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4. Find me the missing audio to Freaks and Geeks episode 4 part 4 on YouTube and bring it to me, along with the broom of the Wicked Witch of the West.

Because Even Vampires Need a Buzz Now and Then

Every bar in the world should stock this.

Why? OK, Mr. Bar Owner, how many of your patrons last night were vampires?

Are you sure? Are you really sure? 

 We're just talking basic proactive safety measures here. Patrons who get bitten on the neck and subsequently become undead don't have a tendency of becoming repeat customers.

Image by lism. via Flickr

So the next time some wispy, emo-haired, doe-eyed young dude with incisors that Billy Mays would have sold on late night TV as "better than Ginsu knives!" shows up at your bar, you serve him up one of these.

And if you never get a vampire customer....you could always serve it to your white supremacist clientele.

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4. Jump down, turn around, pick a bale of cotton. LiveJournal the experience.

PublicLens Proverbs #2 (Adventures in Internet Marketing)

The other day I posted PublicLens Proverbs #1, a brief collection of my riffing off the stream of inane proverbs and aphorisms being posted on Twitter by an "Internet Marketing Guru" robot account following @publiclens.

It was so much fun coming up with those, I've kept it up, now tagging all my remixed proverbs with #pubprov. Here's a realtime compilation of those, culled from Friendfeed. Since Friendfeed allows embedding a realtime search, if you come back to this post later there should be new ones at the top of the stream.

If you spot any inane proverbs on Twitter and would like to have a go at adding the unspoken second line as I have, leave them in the comments.

Tired of That Screaming Infant? Park It!

How much does it cost to get the Infant Parking privilege? I know some parents who would gladly pay it. Come to think of it, I've been in stores where I'd pay someone to park their infant.

(Photo credit: @linc4justice http://www.habitationofjustice.com/ <~~ Habitation of Justice is a very funny site. We recommend it!)

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